So I cannot sleep to save my life! Which sucks big time. So I decided that I would just blog a little about myself. I'm 100% positive that no one will ever read my posts, but I think it's a good idea to type out my thoughts about myself and see if I like the person I'm reading about about. Maybe I'll see what I would like to change about myself or what I like about myself and want to keep the same. So here goes nothing.
I'm a 20 year old that just moved to Hawaii with my parents and younger brother. Sure I could have stayed home where nearly all of my friends and most of my family live. The place that I'm comfortable at. The place I've always known. The best place in the world. The great state of Oklahoma. But why would I let an opportunity like this pass me by? It would be madness. Madness I tell you. Probably the main reason I tagged along with the move, (besides obvious reasons. I mean it's Hawaii.) is that I wouldn't know what to do without my mom for three years. Yes, that's right. I'm a momma's girl. Probably that biggest one you'll ever meet. My mom truly is my best friend, role-model, secret keeper, hero, and my rock. I just don't know what I would do without that woman. But moving on....I'm so excited to be here in the Aloha State. It's like a new chapter in my life. A new beginning. A fresh start. I can be whomever I want to be. No one knows me here. I have nothing holding me back from being all that I can be and all I want to be. The only person that can hold me back is myself. And yes unfortunately I do hold myself back from a lot. It's always that same old thing. The fear of looking stupid. The fear of rejection. The fear of not fitting in. The fear of just not knowing what to say or what to do or how to act. I'm my own worst enemy. My worst critic. My worst demon. I am determined though to change. They say people cannot change. That they can change for a while then resort back to their old ways. And I do believe that, with only one exception. Jesus Christ. I believe that if you turn all of your doubts, fears, and worries over to the Lord and truly and completely believe with every fiber of your body and have the want to and the power that you can only have from faith. Then yes I believe a person can change. It will be hard for me. Not that I do horrible things and sin like every second that I'm awake. But like most human beings I love worldly things. I do love God above all else. But my worldly possessions are pretty high up there too. It will be hard for me to let that go. Not saying I have to give it up. I'm just saying that I need to spend more time with Him, serving Him, making Him proud of the person I am. I keep praying to God that I'm ready to serve my purpose for being here on this earth. That I'm ready to find my soul mate. The man He put here on this earth for me. But I've just came to realize that why would He bless me with something so great like having my one true love when I'm not living for Him. I'm not living like I'm in love with Him. Because I believe for me to love a man with my whole heart. I must love God with my whole heart, mind, body, and soul first. I need to understand and live the love of my Father before I can truly appreciate love from a man. And I need to understand His word and prove to Him that I am worthy and ready for me to carry out the meaning of my existence. No matter what that might be. Something so very small or something that is world shaking. So now after writing all of this down I'm on a journey. A journey of self discovery. A journey of understanding and living the Holy word. The journey that I will hopefully follow through on. Hopefully one that at the end of I can look back and say yes I did change and I not only changed but I've helped people change for the good. I realize that true beauty comes from within yourself. And that true beauty comes from God. I'm looking forward to the day that I can look in the mirror and have all of the confidence in the world. To know that I'm beautiful. To truly think that I'm beautiful. And know that God especially thinks I'm beautiful. Because after all I am His creation. And I know that He loves me and has not forgotten me. He has not gave up on me either. He is there with His arms open just waiting for me to come running back home to Him. Well Jesus, I'm on my way. With your help and my faith I'm ready to be totally and completely yours. In Jesus's name, Amen.
My new journey starts here with this scripture.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart. I will be found by you," declares the Lord...
Jeremiah 29:11-13
"I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go;
I will council you and watch over you."
Psalm 32:8
